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Technique - The After Action Review (AAR)

When to use this? After amazing sex, and after aftercare, to bring you closer together and to create something meaningful, intense and beautiful.

The Four Questions, In Order

  1. What did we expect to happen?
  2. What actually happened?
  3. What went well, and why?
  4. What can we improve upon together, and how?

The Process

Don't do it literally right afterwards, relax together for a while first.

Have fun :) Sex is about having fun, remember that!

Just talk about the first thing that comes up, that the thing at the forefront of your mind.

Do it right after the event, when everything is still fresh. Don't let people drift off or separate. Involve everyone who was involved. Be completely honest. Take the lead and ask the questions, take turns answering them and be open, direct, and kind to one another. Take notes of the important points and iterate and improve.

Don't speak until someone is finished speaking, give them a large amount of space to find the right words. Take the time to really sink into and FEEL the emotions that you are describing, don't rush.

Encourage everyone to express themselves freely, but remember that not all feedback is something you need to take on board. Your opinion is valid and worth just as much as anyone elses. Your opinion matters, remember that :)

Useful Ways of Speaking

"I was expecting it to ..."